I am fearless, I have the mind of God

Happy new year to you all. I believe that we all have our expectations for this brand new vibrant year and I pray that our expectations will not be cut short in Jesus Name. (Amen!)

We have heard so many things lately about our goals for 2019, ‘new year, new resolution’, our visions, our dreams and aspirations…but before you get demotivated like I was,  I will like to share a personal experience with you. This happened few days to the end of the year 2018.

Me: Ire, can you tell me your confession? (this is the usual routine before breakfast with my 3 year old boy)

Ire: I am bold, I am great, I am a champion….

Hmmmm…as I watched my son saying out his confessions with his head up and shoulders high this morning I asked myself a sincere question, ‘Oluwaseyi, do you really believe in those lines as an individual?’

The truth is I am literally a ‘jelly fish’, that is – afraid of the next second. However, I want my child to be as bold as lion. Sometimes, I unconsciously rub my fear off on my child and make him see from my blind scared eyes thereby limiting his capabilities.

Even while I am walking on solid ground,  I doubt the capacity of the grip the floor has and believe I can fall; it’s that bad. Courage is a missing word in my vocabulary and fear is the most prominent. This is not because I don’t know what is right however, the reality often stares at me in capital letters.

I came out of my thoughts and checked the time to be sure we are not late for school then it dawned on me as my eye caught the date chronograph on my wristwatch mistakenly that the year is almost over. As if I was not aware of this fact before now, I felt my heart skip a beat immediately and then started running fast like it was in an Olympic sprint. Every past failure seemed to smile at me and all attempted projects mocked me. My morale went low – from zero now to minus something as I took my child to school.

What have I achieved in the last three hundred and something days this year was auto-playing in my head by default all day. Looking through the car mirror on my way home didn’t help. All the Christmas items being sold out there and the decorations were echoing my fear. “Oluwaseyi, you had started the year passionately and somehow you missed it and…and…and….” I said to myself.

I was a bit moody throughout that day. I was down mentally and physically. Everyone that came in contact with me asked what the challenge was, but I was not bold enough to share my failures…as I climbed on my bed that night to sleep,  I realized few of the privileges I have that is of advantage to me;

‘It is not everyone that has a bed.
It is not everyone that has a bed that sleeps on the bed (I can say that again because I spent 11 nights this year sleeping on a hospital bed and 5 days last year – story for another day. All thanks be to God!)
It is not everyone that closes their eyes that actually sleeps
A bed can be bought but sleep can’t
Even sleeping tablets don’t guarantee sound sleep
…’

I jumped out of bed, scrolled to a song I can dance to on my phone and started thanking God for the gift of life. There and then, I started confessing out loud to myself, “God has not given me the spirit of fear but of power, love and a sound mind’. After 30 minutes of dance and confession,  I sat down holding my journal, rolled up my sleeves, wrote out my goals for the remaining days of the year.
I am ready to face my fears, i am ready to fight my fears, I am ready to overcome and forget my fears. I believe that with the help of my Creator, I am fearless!

Being fearless is an attitude; choose it or you remain a victim of fear.

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